Patience: The Great Virtue

...That I Just Can't Seem to Master

Well, here I am on week 3 of the whole "Returned Missionary" experience. 

Gosh, that's the way to start a post, right? I'm at a loss for a better intro, so we'll just have to stick with that. I know it sounds like I'm depressed, but I promise I'm not. I'm still very happy to be home, and I think I'm even starting to find my place in the 2014 version of Spanish Fork. I guess the only thing that's bogging me down is

BOREDOM

Now I'm not about to go on a rant blaming the world for my boredom, because frankly, it's not the world's fault. It's completely my fault. But nonetheless the boredom is there. This is kind of a "good news, bad news" thing. The good news is I got my job back at BYUtv! Last Friday I got a random text from my old boss saying that they'd hire me back and to come to paperwork next week! I was ecstatic about that especially since I can't start working the BYU film job until the end of the month.

Well, that's where the bad news comes into play. Like the other job, I can't work at BYUtv until the end of the month either, thus making me wait another two weeks to start working, and thus leaving my entire day each and every day completely up to me what I'm going to do.

So that's the current situation. Don't get me wrong, I am SO grateful that God's blessed me with all these work opportunities. It's just annoying that I have to wait to actually get started. It feels like those super busy days where you know that from 5-8 PM you're going to be running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to accomplish 9000+ things that have to be done in that time span but not being able to start doing any of them until 5 so you're forced to just sit and twiddle your thumbs waiting on the wave to hit you.

Something like that.

The other things that's been on my mind the last couple of weeks is:

Okay, I know you're all thinking "Alex. You need to calm down." I'm not about to jump at the first girl that bats her eyes at me, nor am I really feeling getting back in the dating game right now; but I will be honest when I say that it's been on my mind. One of the natural things that comes with getting home from a mission is that everyone you meet (particularly those that knew you before) not only ask you like crazy when you're getting married, but also jump to the assumption that you're getting married within 6 months; as if marriage is a race (though at BYU I sometimes wonder if it actually is). As if this isn't all enough, many of them are chomping at the bit to introduce you to their 18-25 year old daughter. I could look like a dead animal and they'd be so eager to introduce me purely because I am home from a mission. This, however, was all anticipated and hasn't bothered me. What has made this all get inside my head is the fact that every time I get on Facebook I see yet another Facebook friend is married or engaged. No joke, I think over half of my high school friends are married now, and the other half are on missions.

That being said, I'm not mad or annoyed at any of them, nor do I feel any amount of pressure to get a move on with anything; this is just the reason why it's been on my mind lately. I mean, it kind of is the next big step in life for me, so I can't turn a blind eye to it. I think it's just because as the closer friends start getting married, the more the reality of marriage becomes. It really starts hitting home you could say. I mean lets be honest; 2 years ago I was still a little kid fresh out of high school with a tiny amount of college experience under my belt (the fact that I'm returning to school still a freshman is also bugging me super bad). Now, I'm 21 years old, considered a "man" and "adult" by society, and as such, am expected to take on adult responsibilities; one of those is getting married and starting a family. Hearing stuff like that and picturing myself in those shoes looks something like this to me:

Either way, it's the next step of life and I'm a little intimidated by it. I mean, don't get me wrong I want to get married but I also see this as literally THE biggest decision I could ever make. This is the choice that impacts eternity and I do not want to mess this one up.

So I suppose after all of this thought vomiting, it all leads back to the theme of this post: Patience. It's never been a quality I've excelled at, and it very well may never be. I wouldn't necessarily say I have a short fuse anymore, so it's not a temperance issue, it's mostly accepting that some things are out of my control. I'm not a control freak, but I do like being able to create my circumstance. However, there are just some things in life that I have zero control over; time being the biggest of them. Then again, maybe we have more control than we think. In the Lord of the Rings, Gandalf counsels Frodo with these words:

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

 We may not be able to make those 5-8 pm assignments come any quicker in the day, but we can decide what to do while we're waiting. I can either choose to get marriage hungry and jump at the first girl that bats her eyes at me, or I can figure out who I need to become to deserve the girl of my dreams so that when I do meet her, I'm ready and worthy of her. I can either choose to be annoyed that I'm not working or in school and just sit and mope, or I can choose to utilize the free time I have right now and make good use of it. I can't control when things happen much of the time, but I can control my attitude, reaction, and outlook on those situations.

Besides, fall will eventually come and I'll be back in school taking on those challenges before I know it. I'll be living in Provo with Jake having a blast, working, going on dates, and yes, eventually finding a wife and getting married. But that's not the time I'm in right now. Right now what I can do is be excited for Jake to get home in a couple of days. With each brother coming back one by one, we're calling it "The Gathering". Brace yourselves.

In the meantime, I'll continue to make the most of the time and opportunities that I have right now. I'll take advice from the old Arabian Proverb: 

"When you are the anvil, be patient. When you are the hammer, strike."

AMS